Everyone knows that not allowing oneself to feelings of anger and resentment can be very unhealthy, leading to stress and long-term feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. But how do we release our anger without looking foolish or petulant? The first thing to learn is that expressing your anger and losing your temper are not the same thing at all. One is natural and healthy, the other is destructive and dangerous. We usually admire those who can express their anger calmly, and see them as 'firm but fair' or mature and self-confident. While those who lose their temper appear to be immature, childish, selfish and aggressive.

Maudy Dickson is a psychologist who has establish a successful one-day anger workshop that helps ordinary people to learn about and manage their anger. The seminar is not intended for criminals or the mentally ill, but for those ordinary people who feel powerless to control their own temper. The first thing Mandy explains is that anger is a natural and normal feeling, and that feeling angry about something is nothing to be ashamed of. But we need to recognise anger when we feel it, and to investigate its true causes. Once we know the real cause of anger we can confront it and begin to do something positive about it. Mandy asks participants to complete a questionnaire about things that make them angry.

By comparing these 'triggers' people often discover that the true causes of anger are other feelings, especially fear, disappointment and grief. But because it is not socially acceptable in our culture to openly demonstrate these feelings, we express them as anger. This is particularly true for men who, even in these enlightened times, are expected to hide any feelings of inadequacy or fear and be strong and stoical in all situations.

Having recognised the cause of anger, the first step is to learn how to avoid anger-inducing situations. The next step is to learn how to express one's feeling calmly and firmly. Mandy believes that when we are angry we want other people to understand our anger and sympathise with it. But we often fail into trap of expressing anger by criticising those around us, when what we really want is their support and empathy. One of the most common cause of anger is when other fail to behave in a way you expect them to.

But as Mandy explains, human beings are not telepathic, they cannot be expected to automatically anticipate other people's desires and wishes. So an essential tool in reducing the occurance of anger-inducing sitatuions is to always explain exactly what you want and expect from those around you. It is all essentially a question of communication.

Exercise A:   Tell whether each sentence is TRUE or FALSE. Justify your answer.

1.   Not showing feelings of anger can have negative consequences.

2.   Expressing your anger and losing your temper are quite the same thing.

3.   You should be ashamed of feeling angry about something.

4.   True causes of anger are other feelings.

5.   British people are very reserved.

6.   The first step to get rid of anger is to learn how to avoiod anger-inducing
situations.
7.   The most common reason for anger is when other people don't behave in a way
you expect them to.

Exercise B:   Answer the following questions

1.   How do we consider people who can express their anger? And those who lose
their temper?
2.   What is one-day anger workshop? Do you want to participate in it?

3.   Think about a few things that make you angry. Can you control your anger?
If yes, give some advice how you could manage to do it?
4.   Is it socailly acceptable in your country to openly demonstrate fear,
disappointment, grief etc..?
5.   Do you agre witht the opinion that when we are angry we want other people to
understand our anger and symphatise with us? Why (not)?