A parent can love a child no matter what the child does. We sometimes put on rose colored glasses and find all the good in our children despite negative behavior in which the child sometimes displays. As children we love our parents, regardless of how well or not so well our lives turn out. Sometimes there may be resentment towards our parents, but deep down we still love them; flaws and all. Some seem to think it's the genetic bond we share with our parents and children which enable us to embrace them and love them unconditionally.

In adult relationships, love is a process; it doesn't automatically happen. During the process we decide if we want to love our mate or not. It's sometimes difficult to give unconditional love because of the demands and expectations we have of our mate. When those "preconditions" are not met, we often are accused of loving under false pretenses. This is where conditional love comes in to play; loving with terms. How I feel about you is determined by the way you treat me. Conditional loves requires commitment, willingness to work out issues and mutual respect. Common goals and the ability to compromise also play a huge role. Occasionally, conditional love is used as a controlling mechanism which can become emotionally suffocating and damaging to the relationship, so setting expectations can often be a dispirited gesture if the wrong person is involved.

Whether unconditional love is attainable or not solely depends on the individual. I believe our expectations and demands should be realistic and unselfish when we are in a relationship. In order to give and receive conditional love we must understand it is a choice. We have the right to choose who we want to bestow our love to. My love is a privilege. Loving unconditionally doesn’t require boundaries or limits so I am not sure I am willing to give someone whom I have no genetic ties to that much power.

I certainly believe I can love my mate conditionally, but loving him unconditionally is a place I haven't arrived yet.

What are your thoughts?